Giving Yourself Room to Grow is Critical to Long-Term Wellbeing, and In Turn, Success

February 15, 2025 by Jonah Hall

By M. Andrew Young

I’ve noticed that in higher education, particularly in graduate and professional programs, there are a lot of highly conscientious people. I am one of them. This anecdotal observation or generalization extends to faculty, staff, and students alike. A year ago, I was doing some research on the changing landscape of evaluation and assessment career skills, and when I looked at how much the landscape has changed post-pandemic, I was astounded how rapidly the culture, values, and demands in the workplace had shifted (see this resource included in my reference section for more info, even though it is even becoming outdated: Essential Post-Pandemic Skills | ACCA Global, 2021).  

The laws of physics demand that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction, and I have noticed that oftentimes, being conscientious, which is a good thing, is counterbalanced by its less-useful companion: high levels of self-imposed demands for excellence or even perfection. In 2021, Forbes magazine released an article called “Why Failure is Essential to Success” (Arruda, 2021). It is a really good read, and their interview with Dr. Sam Collins was eye-opening. The basic premise is that our culture celebrates and glorifies success; we even idolize overcoming adversity success stories, but we rarely see the numerous and deep failures those success stories encountered along their road to success. We love victory, but do not fully feel the depths of the pain, depression even, or discouragement they waded through along the journey.  

People like me are often so concerned with getting it right the first time and setting a personal standard so high that when we can’t attain it, we immediately sink into an unproductive self-deprecating, self-condemnatory internal dialogue. Doubts gnaw at our own self-concept of our worth and capabilities to succeed, and there is an insidious voice telling us to give up, that we aren’t capable of succeeding, that we are alone or unique in our struggles, and that the effort we put into it won’t result in anything other than wasting our time we could be using by just being satisfied with our current status-quo. 

It is incredible how we can grow without even noticing it in the moment. Let me tell you about Andrew 10 years ago. Andrew worked for a web design and marketing consulting company. The hours were long, the pay was abhorrently low for the job title I had, and I was unhappy and out of my element. The original job I was hired to do was create data visualizations for marketing surveys. It morphed into learning survey instrument development, data cleaning, statistical analysis, search engine marketing, search engine optimization, and website quality assurance. I was not ready for the work because I was not properly trained nor supported by professional development for what I would encounter. I made a LOT of mistakes, and I was unhappy. I recall a conversation with my then supervisor. It was one of those uncomfortable conversations where my work quality didn’t measure up to the demands of the job or their expectations. We were speaking about data visualization, and they gave me a scenario of a creative way to visualize geographical map information. Something was said along the lines of, “This is the type of stuff we are looking for”, and my response was, “I don’t know that I am capable of thinking up those things on my own”.  

When I reflect on that moment, I chuckle at how simplistic that data solution was within the context of my current knowledge. When I look at the types of data analyses I’m capable of and knowledge I possess now through the lens of what I was capable of only two years ago, I can see the growth. When I look at the quality of my work today compared to in the past, distant and recent, there is growth. As a parent of school-aged children now, I see the incredible pressures this culture levies on immediate success and high performance. My middle child, who is four years younger than her older sister, has unrealistic expectations of her own capabilities and limitations, and often finds herself at a comparative disadvantage to her sister. Both my school-aged children have been asked to perform tasks, to which they fail or don’t perform to their level of desire or expectations, and when asked to do it again they’ve huffed in frustration and despair, “I can’t do that, dad!”, to which I always reply, “No. You can’t yet. You CAN figure it out!” 

Oh, if I had learned that lesson earlier in my life. Sometimes we have families with impossible expectations for us. Sometimes we work for employers who want us to perform at a high level, never make mistakes, and are waiting with the hammer held twitchingly above our heads, ready for us to fail. Sometimes our educational system is designed to grind us through the mill at their speed when we really need to back up and master foundational things….the list goes on. 

Let me assure you of some things: you will disappoint those you love. You will make an embarrassing mistake at your job. You will misunderstand a school assignment and get a bad grade. You will send that email or chat message that you didn’t think through well enough. You will forget a deadline. You will get turned down for that promotion. You will receive rejection letters for almost all of those “dream jobs” with the nice salaries you’ve applied for.  

And that’s ok.

Embrace failure. It isn’t the end; it is an opportunity to learn and grow. 

Embrace chuckling at the simpleton’s drivel you produced “back when”; you were proud of it then because it was what you were capable of then.

Pursue growth, not perfection; every project and every challenge are opportunities to get better, so embrace where you’re at.

Finally, never get comfortable. Life is a journey, not a destination, and if we ever deceive ourselves into thinking that we can rest on our laurels, we stop growing. It takes an oak tree a hundred years to tower over its peers. Do you see it now? If we recognize that our journey is about growth, it is ok to be where we are and recognize that growth takes time and persistence.

Cool Extra Resources:

A UTK Class I HIGHLY recommend to study student success: ELPS 595: Student Success in Higher Education 

A book that was instrumental for me understanding wellbeing/belonging/success:  

Quaye, S. J., Harper, S. R., & Pendakur, S. L. (Eds.). (2020). Student engagement in higher education: Theoretical perspectives and practical approaches for diverse populations (Third edition). Routledge. 

Wellbeing/Strengths Assessments: 

Gallup Clifton Strengths: https://www.gallup.com/cliftonstrengthsforstudents/ 

EdResearch for Action: https://edresearchforaction.org/research-briefs/evidence-based-practices-for-assessing-students-social-and-emotional-well-being-2/  

 
Full Reference List: 

Arruda, W. (2021, December 10). Why Failure Is Essential To Success. https://www.forbes.com/sites/williamarruda/2015/05/14/why-failure-is-essential-to-success/ 

Essential post-pandemic skills | ACCA Global. (2021). https://www.accaglobal.com/lk/en/affiliates/advance-ezine/careers-advice/post-pandemic-skills.html 

Evidence-Based Practices For Assessing Students’ Social And Emotional Well-Being. (n.d.). EdResearch for Action. Retrieved January 5, 2025, from https://edresearchforaction.org/research-briefs/evidence-based-practices-for-assessing-students-social-and-emotional-well-being-2/ 

Quaye, S. J., Harper, S. R., & Pendakur, S. L. (Eds.). (2020). Student engagement in higher education: Theoretical perspectives and practical approaches for diverse populations (Third edition). Routledge. 

Singh, A. (2021, August 23). The top data science skills for the post-Covid world. https://www.globaltechcouncil.org/data-science/the-top-data-science-skills-for-the-post-covid-world/